then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
