I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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