to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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