I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
