I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Semen is not good for contacts.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
