Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
