rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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