she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize