I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
