i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
