; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
