Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
