Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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