This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
