the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
