It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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