Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
