Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
