You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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