I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
