did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
