I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
