well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
