All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
