I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
