Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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