My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
