My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
