I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize