I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
