Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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