Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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