I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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