The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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