I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
