you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
