i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
