2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
