Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
