i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
