apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
