Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
