I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
