these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
