and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
