when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
