Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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