Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
