Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
