Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
