Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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