I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
