How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
