What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
