Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
