I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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