Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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