What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
