Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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