I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize