All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
