I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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