laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
