one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
