I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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