if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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