So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
