arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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