either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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