Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
