Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize