Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
