Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I could fuck to npr.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
