Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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