dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
