omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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