he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
