dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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