dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
