I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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