Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
