just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
