I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
that's an acceptable place to lick
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize