If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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