I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my liver is dry heaving
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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