Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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